Melting Pot

Luncheon

By Robin Hoselton

The company from which I recently retired prided itself on its adherence to diversity. In an attempt to bolster the concept among its employees, management decided to hold a “melting pot” luncheon. The catch was that each employee had to contribute a dish representing his/her ancestry and give a short talk. That left me in a quandary.

My grandmother was a full-blooded Salish Indian. The Salish inhabited the northwest portions of Washington, Idaho, Montana, Oregon, and part of Canada. This Native American tribe obtained its primary food source through fishing (especially salmon), hunting, and digging the sweet roots of a blue-flowered plant called cama.

Although I liked my fellow worker bees, I had no intention of spending my paycheck on expensive salmon, and I doubted that they would eat dried buffalo or roasted roots. So I decided for my luncheon contribution to rely, not on my traditional ancestry, but on my present-day culture. My presentation follows:

Currently I belong to the tribe “Eat as best as can.”  This tribe is a member of the ethnic group called “We Single, No Cook.”  We no longer fish, hunt, dig or slave over stoves.  We survive on other sustenance. We forage for our nutrition at breakfast meetings, business luncheons, birthday celebrations, baby shower parties, workforce receptions, etc.  

Unfortunately, the foods served at those functions have evolved into substandard victuals, aka Atkins diets. 

All those salads! It seems to me that if God had wanted humans to eat so much lettuce the way cows graze on grass, She would have given us extra stomachs, too.

Our tribe compensates for this starvation hardship by adhering to a rigorous daily diet of ingesting CHOCOLATE.  Eating chocolate before each meal takes the edge off the appetite so you eat less of the Atkins rations.  Also, chocolate has many preservatives which keeps us looking younger. I, for example, am 86 years old but because I look only 56, I can’t convince anyone that I qualify for Meals on Wheels.

Chocolate is the major nourishment of my adopted people.  My new family members come from diverse lands like Belgium, Switzerland, Pennsylvania. You may recognize a few of my tribal names: Godiva, Ghirardelli, Hershey.

These kind, gentle people are always willing to exchange their precious confection for my tasteless coinage. When I visit, they

 joyously welcome me and herald my arrival by ringing their cash registers.  

My Salish Indian grandmother would be proud that I am sharing with you a modern-day food dear to our hearts, a necessity to our spirits, and the staff of life – chocolate!

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